Cheap Therapy

Science Song
(Tune: Peer’s Chorus - Iolanthe)

We are the studes of highest station
Paragons of Education
We ar the builders of the nation
Tantantara, tzing boom, tzing boom,
Tantantara, tzing boom, tzing boom.

Chorus:
Bow, bow, ye Engineers and Law men
Bow, bow, ye Medicos and Strawmen*
There is no defiance to the march of Science
Tantantara, tzing boom, tzing boom.

* Seeds

We can feel it in our interior
There is no doubt that we are superior
To the common type of posterior**
Tantantara,etc.

** Bum.

Chorus:
We like to swot and feel it our mission
To learn such things as nuclear fission
But we don’t think much of prohibition
Tantantara,etc.

Chorus:

Dental Song

We are dental, we are mental
We are the Faculty of Faculties.
Drink all, drink all, drink all day.

Note: Repeat the above till you get -
(a) Half shick;
(b) Shick;
(c) Just plain blotto;
(d) Some one inspired who writes some more verses!
(e) A copy of “Dante’s Inferno”.
(f) “Man” Annual.

Arts Union Song
(Air: Lincolnshire Poacher)

On vice and beer the engineer has set his heart of hearts;
The legal mind is much inclined for alcohol and darts,
And science studes have not subdued their low and animal parts.
But the cultured man since the world began is a Student of the Arts.

Chorus: But the cultured man, etc….

When Eve one day sat down they say beneath an apple tree,
A serpent who was passing by suggested morning tea.
She said: “I know it’s wrong, although you make it hard for me,”
For he had the air and the savoir-faire of a Student of the Arts.

Chorus: For he had the air…

The lewd remarks of legal clerks we treat with deep disgust
We hate to hear the science stude reveal his horrible lust;
But the lecherous leer of the engineer of all the three is the wust,
For you’ll never find a purer mind than the student of the Arts.

Chorus: For you’ll never find …

When Anne Boleyn got Henry in and later lost her head,
She made a statement for the press and this is what she said:
“If Catherine Parr gets Henry R. I’d just as soon be dead,
For the man’s a shiek with the sure technique of a Student of the Arts.”

Chorus: For the man’s a shiek…

When Mary Queen of Scots was seen to leave her dungeon cell,
The people came from miles around to catch her head as it fell,
And all the crowd remarked aloud: “She takes it very well!”
For she had the charm and the cultured calm of a Student of the Arts.

Chorus: For she had the charm…

The King of France stepped out to dance one evening at Versailles,
When suddenly a lady called Du Barry caught his eye
And all the court was pulled up short to see her passing by,
With the stylish dress and the delicatesse of a Student of the Arts.

Chorus: With the stylish dress…

In future years the engineers perhaps will understand,
When deep below with lawyers they are roasting out of hand,
And down there floats the cultured notes of the Hallelujah Band;
Then they’ll stand in queus to lick the shoes of the Student of the Arts.

Chorus: Then they’ll stand in queues…

Topical Addendum:

The good lord mayor he tore is hair and cursed the fearful fate
That fills the Ref with evil types who drink their Vodka straight,
For Uncle Joe has let them know to undermine the State
With the red ensign and the party line of the Student of the Arts.

Chorus: With red ensign…

Engineer’s Song
(Air: The Vicar of Bray)
Long years ago to Bittern park
Came Julius, Alias Caesar,
At Cobden Bridge he beached his bark
And climbed a lofty tree, Sir,
“Dear, Dear,” quoth he, “No road I see,
Fall in the Engineers, Sir,
Review, survey, mark out and lay
A road from hence to here, Sir.”

Chorus:
For it is now as it was then
The Engineers they knew things,
They are the Big, Strong, Silent men
Who do not talk but do things.

In days of yore, The Western Shore
Was rude to King Canute, Sir,
It rolled its waters to his feet
And wetted his hest boot, sir.
“This is,” said he, “too much for me,
Fall in the Engineers, Sir,
Surround this shore, both aft and fore
With docks and quays and piers, Sir.”

Tha Captains and the Kings depart,
As Rudyard once did not, Sir,
By barge, and ‘bus, by road and rail,
By motor and by boat, Sir,
By whatsoever mode they cross,
Sea, Land or Atmosphere, Sir,
They cannot move a yard without
The lusty Engineer, Sir.

Some time ago the Undergards
A pond to build decided;
They said “We’ll toil and dig and mix,
With tea and cakes provided.
The Engineers, as is their way,
Spoke little if at all Sir;
But started right away to build
The Pond beside the Hall, Sir.

Faculty Songs
Education Song
(Tune: Oklahoma)

Education Union lift your glasses up and sing
Our Unions praise on high we raise
Till the rafters in the roof will ring
Education is the oldest faculty of all
It precedes the mud of Noah’s flood
And dates back to before the fall
For good folks you can recall
That Eve taught Adam how to fall
And he did say Yeeow! Ayipeeay!
This is the greatest
You’re doing fine, Education
Education, Hurray!

Education when the kegs come rolling in the door
Witha joyous shout as the stops come out
Here’s cheers we’ll dirnk to you once more.
Education Union you should educate the rest
And make them see that life can be
A thinkg that should be lived with zest.
Teach them to lead a full life
And rejoice in their freedom from strife,
And then we’ll say Yeeow! Ayipeeay!
Then we’ll be sayin’
You’re doing fine Education,
Education hurray!

Education where the parties are so wild and free
And the girls are fair and they really care
For a night of good debauchery.
Education wher at down the bottles still will pour
For the boys don’t shrink when it comes to drink
And the girls are always out fro more.
We know that life won’t always be
So careless and joyous and free
But we still yeeow! Ayipeeay
And we still say
You’re doing fine Education
Education hurray!